To think back on when he first noticed her, it is hard. At first, her face seems to melt into the crowd of others that all came around the same time. In fact, his first conscious memory of her is in the company of that drummer, who seems to have outgrown his leathers, or maybe it is that he is trying to wear leathers that are too big for him, yet.
It is not like someone, or something, yanked him up, pointed to the spex and said......Look at that one there! Look at her closer! But he did listen as others spoke of her. Her father was killed in the same attack as Asria's mate, and she was now under the guardianship of Fonce.
Maybe it was that night she tossed the stone to him. The moment he caught it, he could feel a warmth radiate from it. Was that from simply having been in her grasp? But the warmth lingered. Again, was it from the warmth of her fingers, or was it from the fire that seemed to burn in the stone, the reds, golds and ambers that shimmered there? All he knows is, that there was just something so elementally right about holding it in his hand, running his calloused fingers over it. His hand extended to give it back, but her hand lifted to block its' return and she told him to keep it.
Probably if anyone else had told him that, he would have refused, but there was just something about this stone, something that felt right about it. For the briefest of moments, a thought flashed in his head that the stone was where it was supposed to be. In his possession.
Since receiving it, he has kept it with him constantly. Often he unconsciously takes it out, fingers moving along the smooth, polished surface which still seems to hold that warmth. Now of course, that is foolish, but that is how it seems to him. The stone has become almost like a talisman, something that he worries with his fingers as he things and ponders thing.
But, that is not what is important. What is important, is that is when he truly took his first, long look at the young woman, seeing an amused intelligence dancing in her eyes. Something that he did not see in everyone. In fact, something that he saw only in a few.
She caught his eye and his interest, so he took the next step, being the "honorable" Tuchuk that he is. He spoke to her guardian, Fonce about being allowed to speak with her more, to get to know her better. Permission granted.
That is how it started. He thinks.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Women Who Are Not Osts,...Or Not Osts, Yet
Turns his thoughts to the women who are not osts in his world. The ones that he considers friends, who he has some sort of trust in.
Kaeli of the sense of humor. He enjoys the conversations that they have had. After he had first come to these fires, she was the one who had extended the effort to get to know the man that stood in the shadows leaned up against the wagon simply observing. Having a friend among the healers is not an entirely bad concept. She is the mate of Jai, the iron worker and a trusted friend. Never has he seen two people so meant for each other, unless it might be his parents.
Aponi, the struggler. The young woman has overcome much to gain favor and her place at the Ubar's fires. Beautiful, funny and loving. She is not Tuchuk by blood, but she has found a way to be Tuchuk by heart. If it weren't from his past experiences and the promise he had made to his parents, perhaps he would have gotten to know her better, but that is no how it was to be. And rightly so, for she has found her heart in Tengfei, another that had to overcome many obstacles to secure his place here. It has turned out to be a productive union, thus far.
Tarra, the spex. A woman of talents and hard earned wisdom about life. He values her input; however he does not always heed it. He is a man, and will set his own destiny, as any man will. Often her words can edge up to the line of being disrespectful of others, but that is who she is. She is open with her ideas and her words, does not hold back, which is sometimes appreciated, and sometimes not. He considers her a friend, someone that he can trust and gain wisdom from. Strong, determined, but there is also a softness to her towards those she cares about. He has seen it often. How can you not respect her and want her to be counted among your friends?
Cana, the mate of his brother. What can he say about her, other than Ba'atar is one lucky bastard, not that he always realizes it, but he is. But she is more than simply the mate of a man. She is a mother, a sister, a friend, a confidante to many, and one of the best kaiila trainers they have. She reminds him of the willow trees that grow along the banks of some of the streams on their lands. Beautiful, graceful, dignified, but possessing a strength at the core that makes her able to withstand the harsh winds of life that assault her.
Then there are the newer additions to the fires, the younger women that are just coming into their own. The fact that he would be made guardian over some of them had never occurred to him when he agreed to sit upon the grays. Now just how do you do that, and remain unbiased?
Yamka, the leather worker. Over many moons he has sat and watched her grow, mature into a beautiful young woman. She is no longer the childlike creature that thought to tackle him at the fires one night. At that time, she had reminded him of a sleen pup, all feet and legs, and not sure what to do with either of them. But no more. A beautiful woman with a tenderness about her. Still naive in many ways, but he can see her growing into her own almost daily. She has asked to get to know him better, and he actually thinks she will make a good friend. She just has to get over the ost thing, because she does not fall into that category.
Seveya, the artisan. They have probably gotten off on bad footing, but perhaps that will change. He simply wanted to test her mettle, to see if she was as closed to ideas as she seemed to be on first blush. He does understand how she feels about her art, sort of. He just hopes that she will soon learn that she has to be more than her art, that there is more to her than colors upon a canvas. That is what he wants to see. Will the real Seveya step up? He hopes it is soon, because he has already given permission for her to be ringed and he hopes that is not a mistake.
Asria, the year keeper? Not exactly sure where to classify her at the moment. A woman that has just lost a mate, who has a child to guide, that needs to pick up the strings of this new life that has been thrust upon her. She will be given some leeway because of all of this. She too needs to find her niche' at the first fires, her offering of what she brings to them. This is one of the reasons that he has asked Cana to guide her, to mentor her. Besides, he likes the child Lei. Beautiful, smart and not one to back down. A lot of spirit in that one.
Mezoo, the spex. That is for another time.
Kaeli of the sense of humor. He enjoys the conversations that they have had. After he had first come to these fires, she was the one who had extended the effort to get to know the man that stood in the shadows leaned up against the wagon simply observing. Having a friend among the healers is not an entirely bad concept. She is the mate of Jai, the iron worker and a trusted friend. Never has he seen two people so meant for each other, unless it might be his parents.
Aponi, the struggler. The young woman has overcome much to gain favor and her place at the Ubar's fires. Beautiful, funny and loving. She is not Tuchuk by blood, but she has found a way to be Tuchuk by heart. If it weren't from his past experiences and the promise he had made to his parents, perhaps he would have gotten to know her better, but that is no how it was to be. And rightly so, for she has found her heart in Tengfei, another that had to overcome many obstacles to secure his place here. It has turned out to be a productive union, thus far.
Tarra, the spex. A woman of talents and hard earned wisdom about life. He values her input; however he does not always heed it. He is a man, and will set his own destiny, as any man will. Often her words can edge up to the line of being disrespectful of others, but that is who she is. She is open with her ideas and her words, does not hold back, which is sometimes appreciated, and sometimes not. He considers her a friend, someone that he can trust and gain wisdom from. Strong, determined, but there is also a softness to her towards those she cares about. He has seen it often. How can you not respect her and want her to be counted among your friends?
Cana, the mate of his brother. What can he say about her, other than Ba'atar is one lucky bastard, not that he always realizes it, but he is. But she is more than simply the mate of a man. She is a mother, a sister, a friend, a confidante to many, and one of the best kaiila trainers they have. She reminds him of the willow trees that grow along the banks of some of the streams on their lands. Beautiful, graceful, dignified, but possessing a strength at the core that makes her able to withstand the harsh winds of life that assault her.
Then there are the newer additions to the fires, the younger women that are just coming into their own. The fact that he would be made guardian over some of them had never occurred to him when he agreed to sit upon the grays. Now just how do you do that, and remain unbiased?
Yamka, the leather worker. Over many moons he has sat and watched her grow, mature into a beautiful young woman. She is no longer the childlike creature that thought to tackle him at the fires one night. At that time, she had reminded him of a sleen pup, all feet and legs, and not sure what to do with either of them. But no more. A beautiful woman with a tenderness about her. Still naive in many ways, but he can see her growing into her own almost daily. She has asked to get to know him better, and he actually thinks she will make a good friend. She just has to get over the ost thing, because she does not fall into that category.
Seveya, the artisan. They have probably gotten off on bad footing, but perhaps that will change. He simply wanted to test her mettle, to see if she was as closed to ideas as she seemed to be on first blush. He does understand how she feels about her art, sort of. He just hopes that she will soon learn that she has to be more than her art, that there is more to her than colors upon a canvas. That is what he wants to see. Will the real Seveya step up? He hopes it is soon, because he has already given permission for her to be ringed and he hopes that is not a mistake.
Asria, the year keeper? Not exactly sure where to classify her at the moment. A woman that has just lost a mate, who has a child to guide, that needs to pick up the strings of this new life that has been thrust upon her. She will be given some leeway because of all of this. She too needs to find her niche' at the first fires, her offering of what she brings to them. This is one of the reasons that he has asked Cana to guide her, to mentor her. Besides, he likes the child Lei. Beautiful, smart and not one to back down. A lot of spirit in that one.
Mezoo, the spex. That is for another time.
Women That Are Osts
It is no secret that he has his reservations when it comes to women. In fact, he has made it clear many times. Is this to protect them from him, or vice versa? Maybe both. There is a history behind it, that he does not share for the simple reason that it is something he has struggled for many turnings to put behind him, and it is no ones' business.
The first woman in his life would have to be his mother. She loves him, she has to doesn't she? He is her son. Does she like him? Not much. He has spent the biggest part of his life seeking approval and validation from her, and his life finally became easier when he realized it was not coming. For him and his younger brothers, there was always the knowledge that the First Son at their fires was the favored one, and nothing would change that in the woman's eyes. Once he had reconciled himself to that, he had been able to move on with his life.
Although many have heard him call women osts, there are only actually a few who are true to the venomous nature of the creatures. Those that know no loyalty, the liars, the schemers, the one's that try to discreetly or indiscreetly spread sexual favors around, thinking that they are above being in a collar, or too special to end up in one. Truth is, most of them would not live long in a collar, and some do not even deserve the modest dignity that a collar provides. They are the true osts.
One of his real problems with some women, is that they forget they are women. There are those that blatantly act like men with breasts, that cannot seem to reconcile themselves to what and who they are. Once he gets past his anger at them, he begins to pity and feel sorry for them. How can they ever know happiness? Osts.
Then there are those that are as prickly as the cactus you often find in those drier regions of the plains. They ones that carry their perceived slights on the outside, and use them as weapons against any and everyone that does not agree with their way of thinking. Osts. These are usually the ones with the venomous tongues that they ply at will. There is nothing uglier, or more unattractive to most men than a woman that spits hateful words at will, knowing that they will harm or injure, but just not caring one way or the other. Osts.
What most of these women seem to forget is the fact that they are women in a man's world. Tuchuk men are proud of the spirit of their women, and in that pride they give them much latitude in thought, deed and word. And a true Tuchuk woman knows her value, but she also knows her place. But unfortunately, even among the wagon people there are those that seem to think they are exempt from any kind of restraint. That have the attitude of……no man will tell me what I can or cannot do. Wrong! Eventually there will come the man that will tire of that attitude and will deal with them.
And so, this is the tale of the Osts.
The first woman in his life would have to be his mother. She loves him, she has to doesn't she? He is her son. Does she like him? Not much. He has spent the biggest part of his life seeking approval and validation from her, and his life finally became easier when he realized it was not coming. For him and his younger brothers, there was always the knowledge that the First Son at their fires was the favored one, and nothing would change that in the woman's eyes. Once he had reconciled himself to that, he had been able to move on with his life.
Although many have heard him call women osts, there are only actually a few who are true to the venomous nature of the creatures. Those that know no loyalty, the liars, the schemers, the one's that try to discreetly or indiscreetly spread sexual favors around, thinking that they are above being in a collar, or too special to end up in one. Truth is, most of them would not live long in a collar, and some do not even deserve the modest dignity that a collar provides. They are the true osts.
One of his real problems with some women, is that they forget they are women. There are those that blatantly act like men with breasts, that cannot seem to reconcile themselves to what and who they are. Once he gets past his anger at them, he begins to pity and feel sorry for them. How can they ever know happiness? Osts.
Then there are those that are as prickly as the cactus you often find in those drier regions of the plains. They ones that carry their perceived slights on the outside, and use them as weapons against any and everyone that does not agree with their way of thinking. Osts. These are usually the ones with the venomous tongues that they ply at will. There is nothing uglier, or more unattractive to most men than a woman that spits hateful words at will, knowing that they will harm or injure, but just not caring one way or the other. Osts.
What most of these women seem to forget is the fact that they are women in a man's world. Tuchuk men are proud of the spirit of their women, and in that pride they give them much latitude in thought, deed and word. And a true Tuchuk woman knows her value, but she also knows her place. But unfortunately, even among the wagon people there are those that seem to think they are exempt from any kind of restraint. That have the attitude of……no man will tell me what I can or cannot do. Wrong! Eventually there will come the man that will tire of that attitude and will deal with them.
And so, this is the tale of the Osts.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
I Am Ayguili.
I am Ayguili. I am not Ba'atar. I have great respect and love for my brother, but I am not him. I do not walk like him, I do not talk like him, and I do not think like him. I am my own man.
There have already been whispers that Ba'atar would not have done it that way. Ba'atar told me this, Ba'atar told me that, Ba'atar promised me this or that. I do not know what my brother has said to anyone, or what he may have promised, so my wishes will not follow his. I am Ayguili.
I do not know how long I will sit upon the honored gray furs, but while I do, I will make decisions with my own mind and my own heart. It is the only way I know how to do things, my way.
I believe in the time honored traditions of my people, but I also realize that there are times when we must make changes in order to survive. Just as the stream has to have fresh water to flow into it, so that it does not get stagnant and die. Just as we try to keep on the move, to not over graze the land. Change is needed, change is imperative or we will weaken as a people.
I know there are those that cling to the old ways with a tenacity that is almost awe inspiring, but on the other hand, it keeps them from looking around themselves to see the possibilities that are available.
My intent while I am Ubar, is to initiate some changes. But I have to be cautious and do it in a way that does not totally threaten the foundation of who we are. To make this change successful, I have to communicate with the people, let them know what is going on so there will be no more distorted thoughts or rumors. I have to instill in them the confidence to come to me and ask and to not just assume. I do not want them to fear talking to me. I have discovered in my life, that listening to others is always important, that is how you learn about them, and they learn about you. Even if you are Ubar and have the final word, you still have to listen.
I have already made some changes. I have asked Fonce to take up the reins of his command again and to be my second in command. I am a firm believer in surrounding myself with people that I can trust, and who I know will be honest with me and give me the guidance that I seek. He agreed with his own caveat, and I would have expected no less of him.
He will take on the responsibilities that I asked, but he has warned me that he will not follow blindly, and I would not want him to. If he does not agree or understand the direction I am going he will question and discuss it with me. And this is what I am looking for. I respect him as a man, a warrior and I respect the fact that he has walked this path before me, and his thoughts can be invaluable. I am comfortable with this change.
In talking with him about the responsibilities about being second in command, I also asked his thoughts on his clan, and he impressed me with is honesty, his integrity and his vision. So, I have also asked him to take over as head of the Spex clan. And I have done this for basically the same reasons that I wanted him as my second in command. I trust him and I want to see where he will lead.
Changes are never easy, but I hope to instill enough trust in me that people will reach out and embrace them, instead of fearing them. That is the challenge of life, to be able to accept that which is unfamiliar and either learn from it, or conquer your fear of it.
I am Ayguili.
There have already been whispers that Ba'atar would not have done it that way. Ba'atar told me this, Ba'atar told me that, Ba'atar promised me this or that. I do not know what my brother has said to anyone, or what he may have promised, so my wishes will not follow his. I am Ayguili.
I do not know how long I will sit upon the honored gray furs, but while I do, I will make decisions with my own mind and my own heart. It is the only way I know how to do things, my way.
I believe in the time honored traditions of my people, but I also realize that there are times when we must make changes in order to survive. Just as the stream has to have fresh water to flow into it, so that it does not get stagnant and die. Just as we try to keep on the move, to not over graze the land. Change is needed, change is imperative or we will weaken as a people.
I know there are those that cling to the old ways with a tenacity that is almost awe inspiring, but on the other hand, it keeps them from looking around themselves to see the possibilities that are available.
My intent while I am Ubar, is to initiate some changes. But I have to be cautious and do it in a way that does not totally threaten the foundation of who we are. To make this change successful, I have to communicate with the people, let them know what is going on so there will be no more distorted thoughts or rumors. I have to instill in them the confidence to come to me and ask and to not just assume. I do not want them to fear talking to me. I have discovered in my life, that listening to others is always important, that is how you learn about them, and they learn about you. Even if you are Ubar and have the final word, you still have to listen.
I have already made some changes. I have asked Fonce to take up the reins of his command again and to be my second in command. I am a firm believer in surrounding myself with people that I can trust, and who I know will be honest with me and give me the guidance that I seek. He agreed with his own caveat, and I would have expected no less of him.
He will take on the responsibilities that I asked, but he has warned me that he will not follow blindly, and I would not want him to. If he does not agree or understand the direction I am going he will question and discuss it with me. And this is what I am looking for. I respect him as a man, a warrior and I respect the fact that he has walked this path before me, and his thoughts can be invaluable. I am comfortable with this change.
In talking with him about the responsibilities about being second in command, I also asked his thoughts on his clan, and he impressed me with is honesty, his integrity and his vision. So, I have also asked him to take over as head of the Spex clan. And I have done this for basically the same reasons that I wanted him as my second in command. I trust him and I want to see where he will lead.
Changes are never easy, but I hope to instill enough trust in me that people will reach out and embrace them, instead of fearing them. That is the challenge of life, to be able to accept that which is unfamiliar and either learn from it, or conquer your fear of it.
I am Ayguili.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
The Keeper of My People
Blessed is the servant who loves his brother as much when he is sick and useless as when he is well and can be of service to him. And blessed is he who loves his brother as well when he is afar off as when he is by his side, and who would say nothing behind his back he might not, in love, say before his face. ~St Francis of Assisi
For all of our lives, Ba'atar has always gone first and wore the path down for the rest of us to follow. On this day, it is no different.
When he came to me with the news of his quest, I can't say I was surprised. I had known that the rogues that plagued the plains had been in both of our thoughts. Would I have liked to have gone with him? Of course I would have, what warrior wouldn't? But the truth was, my duty was here.
Did I want to be Ubar? Hell no! I have never been one of those ambitious men that sought such things. You are too public, too exposed. Would I be? Yes, for the good of my people and the peace of mind of my brother, I would.
I was a man that basically had nothing, other than my wagons, the tools of my clan, a strong, temperamental kaiila, enough bosk to make me not a poor man and two slaves. I didn't need more than that, for they took care of my basic needs. Now suddenly, I have the entire tribe to watch over, which includes his woman and six of my nephews and nieces.
Damn! How did that happen?
I do not visit the wagons of my parents often. I love them, I respect them, but my presence is not always appreciated, that is just how it is. But on this day, I needed the counsel of one that I did respect, one that probably knew me best. I needed my Father.
Now, I would love to say my Mother was pleased to see me, but all she could see was that her favored son had rode off into what she considered certain danger and death, and I remained behind. This did not set well with her and she made her thoughts known on it. She does not look at my face and see the scars of a tested warrior, I think she sees a coward, and if this is so, then so be it.
My father finally spoke up and told her to take her rant somewhere else, that he and I needed to talk. When we were alone, and only then, I put a voice to my uncertainties of what I was undertaking.
In that calm, self-assured way that he has, my father gave me the advice and the wisdom that will carry me forward on my own quest.
"My Son, it is time for you to step out of the shadow of your brother and to take your place, no matter where it might be. You are not Ba'atar. You do not think as he does. You do not speak as he does. And, you will not be the same Ubar as he is, or was. Be yourself, trust your instincts and surround yourself with people that you can talk to and you can trust, and you will be fine. Do not try to walk his path, make your own path. Do not allow your past to cloud your present and your future. It is also time to step away from that, and be Ayguili, Ubar of the Tuchuk. Love your brother, respect him, but love the People first."
This is what I needed, that reassurance that I could do this. When I stood to leave, he placed his hands on my shoulders, gave them a squeeze and told me that he would always be here for me, and to not stay away so long.
So I take the reins of this unwieldy beast known as the Tuchuk, and I will try to guide it along the right path across the plains. May the Sky help me.
For all of our lives, Ba'atar has always gone first and wore the path down for the rest of us to follow. On this day, it is no different.
When he came to me with the news of his quest, I can't say I was surprised. I had known that the rogues that plagued the plains had been in both of our thoughts. Would I have liked to have gone with him? Of course I would have, what warrior wouldn't? But the truth was, my duty was here.
Did I want to be Ubar? Hell no! I have never been one of those ambitious men that sought such things. You are too public, too exposed. Would I be? Yes, for the good of my people and the peace of mind of my brother, I would.
I was a man that basically had nothing, other than my wagons, the tools of my clan, a strong, temperamental kaiila, enough bosk to make me not a poor man and two slaves. I didn't need more than that, for they took care of my basic needs. Now suddenly, I have the entire tribe to watch over, which includes his woman and six of my nephews and nieces.
Damn! How did that happen?
I do not visit the wagons of my parents often. I love them, I respect them, but my presence is not always appreciated, that is just how it is. But on this day, I needed the counsel of one that I did respect, one that probably knew me best. I needed my Father.
Now, I would love to say my Mother was pleased to see me, but all she could see was that her favored son had rode off into what she considered certain danger and death, and I remained behind. This did not set well with her and she made her thoughts known on it. She does not look at my face and see the scars of a tested warrior, I think she sees a coward, and if this is so, then so be it.
My father finally spoke up and told her to take her rant somewhere else, that he and I needed to talk. When we were alone, and only then, I put a voice to my uncertainties of what I was undertaking.
In that calm, self-assured way that he has, my father gave me the advice and the wisdom that will carry me forward on my own quest.
"My Son, it is time for you to step out of the shadow of your brother and to take your place, no matter where it might be. You are not Ba'atar. You do not think as he does. You do not speak as he does. And, you will not be the same Ubar as he is, or was. Be yourself, trust your instincts and surround yourself with people that you can talk to and you can trust, and you will be fine. Do not try to walk his path, make your own path. Do not allow your past to cloud your present and your future. It is also time to step away from that, and be Ayguili, Ubar of the Tuchuk. Love your brother, respect him, but love the People first."
This is what I needed, that reassurance that I could do this. When I stood to leave, he placed his hands on my shoulders, gave them a squeeze and told me that he would always be here for me, and to not stay away so long.
So I take the reins of this unwieldy beast known as the Tuchuk, and I will try to guide it along the right path across the plains. May the Sky help me.
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