The Sacrificial Lamb, So to Speak

Apologies were accepted, and we began to make progress, and I was feeling better. Oren, being Oren, started right in on me about all the things that Seveya needed now.


I had already thought of this, and had been working on it. Since my talk with Fonce the day before, I had procured a wagon, and had set my girls to taking things from my "stuff" wagon, that they thought would make a woman more comfortable. I had even gone to my scarrers' wagon, and gathered up a box of pigments. I think that sometimes people forget that I am a scarrer, and that I do know something about pigments and colors. I also includes some roots, dried flowers, and other things that she would need to make her own paints. It as a start.


When I mentioned this, Oren got into a huff again. She said Seveya was staying right where she was. Finally, finally Fonce stepped in to help me, and helped me to make her understand that right now, it was tantamount for Seveya to return to the First Fires, her head held high. If this did not happen, then all of this would have been for nothing.


I think right now, with Mezoo having moved her wagons to the circle of the First Fires, Oren is feeling that I am taking everyone away from her, and that is not my intent. Blazes! If I had my way, I would move them all there, but Mezoo has said that they do not wish to be there, which I can understand.


Oren began to cluck about I was taking everyone away, and what was she to do for verr herders? I stepped right up, did the Ubar thing and told her that I had thousands of men under my command, and if she wanted verr herders, she would have them. Did I just see Fonce pale?


Suddenly an idea hit me, and without giving it a lot of thought, I acted on it. I knew that I would probably pay for it later, but right now it just seemed to be such a good idea.


You might say, that I tossed the verr herder a sacrificial lamb, of sorts. I had to be very careful of exactly how I did this. I offered to send my nephes, Cana's son, Another One to learn verr herding from her.


I explained to her that the young man was going through a difficult time, and needed someone with her wisdom to help guide him. And there was not a hort of bosk shit in that. The boy was having a hard time with the only man that he knew as a father gone for so long. I actually think it would be good not only for the boy, but also maybe for Oren.


Now there was this delicate balance that needed to be reached here. I had to make Oren realize that she was doing me this huge favor in talking the boy under her wing, and not be too obvious, that I was also trying to save my own skin at the same time.


She reacted just as I thought she would. She put on this air of long suffering, and of being very busy, but willing to do this favor, just for me. I could have kissed her!


This was working out well. Oren was going to get her verr herder, but much more importantly, another young person to guide and teach, and Another One was going to not only learn about the verr, but he was going to get some one on one attention that I felt he needed. Fonce and I had bit the proverbial, lance head and had escaped the verr herds, momentarily. It was a win, win, situation all around.


Now, all I have to do is get this by Cana. Skies! What was I thinking?

The Ins and Outs of Apologizing, with a Staff Hovering Near.

What is it about one little woman, and one big stick that can put the fear into a grown man? Maybe, it is because that little woman, is wiser than all of us put together. That, and the damn stick hurts!


And there she was, leaning on that staff as if she were guarding the entire camp from me and my folly. Or that is how I felt at the moment. How is it that I always feel like a chastened boy when I come in contact with this woman? Like one that needs to confess to sins that he had not even committed, simply because she wanted such? The fact that she immediately removed Fonce from every thing, almost made me bolt and run. But the fact that he quietly went and sat on the furs she indicated, did have its' own amusement. But I only had a moment to reflect on that before she turned her attentions back to me.


I knew I was in trouble when she addressed me as.......Ubar. Not good, not good at all. Twice she did this. Can we say.........fear? I knew at that moment, this was not an easy task that I was working on, but it was an important one. And in that realization, I knew that the best thing for me to do was be honest, and I was.


I told Oren that I needed to speak to Seveya about trust. She seemed to understand this, even agreed with it, and even called me by my name! Maybe I would survive this yet.


Oren called Seveya out, told her that I wanted to talk to her, and to come listen, and if she didn't like what I had to say, she could march right back inside the wagon.


The first thing that hit me was her face, and the anger bubbled up inside me, and I had to push it back down. I have seen the results of beatings, and I have seen slaves that had been beaten, but what that man had done to her was beyond the pale. Beyond anything that might have been necessary. At that moment, I think somewhere inside of me, made the decision to have him dealt with, but not now. Right now it would have just added more fuel to this fire that I was trying to stamp out.


Seveya was not pleased to see me, you could tell that by her body language. And in all honesty, it confused me, but I would later learn why she was more than reticent to speak to me. It had more to do with Fonce, and how I had treated him, than it had to do with her. I was saved by Oren, who encouraged her to sit on the steps and talk. Skies bless the little woman.


Suffice to say, I was not quite finished with making mistakes. The fact that Seveya had not come to me before she had made such a rash decision, still bothered me. Am I not a fair man? A man that wants only good for those around him? My next mistake was in mentioning this to Seveya, and her responsibility to do that very thing.


Damn that staff hurts!


After a verbal lesson on how to apologize, I tried to made Oren understand that I really was trying here. And not only to protect my shins, but to get across that I was sincere, even if I was flawed. A woman understands that right? A flawed man. In fact, I think they like us that way just a little. Those bony fingers began to beat a tattoo on my chest, and I did the very first thing that came to my head. I took that gnarled hand in mine, kissed the fingers and asked her to please hear me out.


It worked!


I was allowed to continue to speak with the young artisan, in hopes to make her understand how much I wanted this all put aside, and for her to be safe. And, that there was no way that I would have allowed a woman of the First Fires to be bargained away to one of the outer wagons. When she mentioned that I did know, I was shocked. I did? She said that Karvek had mentioned it, but I'll be damned if I remembered it.


I may have been dead in the water there, had not Oren stepped in and asked if Mezoo had been there at the time. Well, I didn't remember it happening, so how did I know if Mezoo had been there or not? Seveya stepped in to toss me a life line, by saying that yes, Mezoo had been present. I had to admit, that I was often distracted when the little spex was there. And you know, they forgave me for it.


I went on to explain to Seveya that I wanted her back at the First Fires as a free woman of the Tuchuk. I just could not see her on her knees to any man, I had far too much respect for her to see that, and I feel that she has too much to offer her people as a woman that is free, than as a slave. It was all true. She had faltered, but don't we all? It was now time to put her back in her proper place, and to stand behind her, protect her and to support her.


She accepted my apology, then began to trim my ears over my treatment of Fonce. What? I am going to pat myself on the back here. I accepted the dressing down, because was this not what I wanted....for her to be a free woman, and to have the ability to express her opinions? It is that double edged sword thing, I think.


I had to explain to her, that even though I had made my mistakes in all of this, that there was not a man in this camp that I trusted or respected more than Fonce. It worked. Maybe it worked because it was the truth, and I find that if you speak the truth, it is always better.

Take This Job and Shove-it!

As I write this, I am weary. Not only of body, but of heart, soul and mind. There are not enough ahn's in a day, days in a hand, or hands in a moon to handle all that comes to me sometimes. Much I give to Fonce, my second in command, for he is better at dealing with some things than I am. And he is the only one that I trust, to speak in my stead.


Ok, let's talk about that trust. I have let my second in command down. But more importantly, I let my friend down, and that bothers me more. He came to me to talk about what had transpired with the woman Seveya, to make a request of me, and damn it, I bungled it badly.


Go figure.


For some reason I got it into my head, that as Ubar, not as a friend to Fonce, or a guardian to Seveya, but as Ubar, I needed to hear all sides, so I had the man Karvek brought to me. Mistake, big mistake, probably. I listened to him, to what he said were his concerns, and in a moment of clouded vision, I saw some validity in them. First mistake.


Second mistake? I asked Fonce to join us so that we could get to the bottom of things. It is not always wise to bring two men together to discuss something this delicate. Especially when they have hugely differing opinions, and one of them is actually crazy as a marsh loon.


Go figure.


In some sort of mistaken idea that I needed to be fair, I lost sight of my objective. The objective was not to work things out between these two men, my objective was to take care of and protect a woman that was my ward. I think that is where the waters muddy a little for me. When Karvek returned to camp, and I found out that he was her uncle, I never got the opportunity to speak with him on this matter. In fact, each time I saw him, he either basically ignored me, or left. That should have raised some red flags, but it didn't.

Bottom line, and mistake number three. I said things that I should not have, and lost the trust of a man that I respect above all others in camp. Fonce was angry when he left, and Karvek? Well, it is hard to say what Karvek was. There is much about the man that suddenly did not ring true, and was my first clue to how badly I had handled this entire situation. And at the time all of this was going on, I still did not have all of the facts that I needed.


Go fuckin' figure.


What I found out later served to make me reassess what I thought of the man. The actions that he took, were far and beyond those of a family member, and bordered more along the lines of a jilted lover. And, no matter what the idiot thing, he did not act like a Tuchuk. When I found that he had been burning fires within the harigga, my anger knew no bounds. He put his own madness and jealousy ahead of the safety of his people, and had he not chosen to leave on his own, I am not real sure that he would not have been visited by those that I have at my disposal to take care of problems of this nature. A madman in camp, just what we needed..


The next day I was finally able to talk to Fonce again, and it was rocky, and I understand that. I had erred and I knew that, but it was not intentional and it took me a long time to get this across to the man. He was still angry with me, he didn't trust me, he didn't exactly understand where I was coming from, and that I knew that I had made huge mistakes.



I did the only thing that I know how to do. I finally put aside the Ubar, and tried to speak as a friend. I had to speak from my heart and acknowledge that I had made mistakes. I am not real sure even then, that he understood. But somehow, someway, I had to make him understand that this was not about him, me, or even Karvek.


This entire thing was about Seveya. Did I agree with what she had done. No way. However, I had seen a glimmer as to why she did what she did, after seeing her uncle's reactions, and the devastation his jealously and madness had imprinted upon my camp.


I told Fonce, that right now, she was the most important thing in all of this. I know that there will be people that will scream to the Sky herself over what I wanted to do, but I will deal with them in time. I wanted to instill the artisan back to her place at the Ubar's Fires. I wanted to give her that rare second chance, that some often do not get. I just could not see her on her knees before any man. She had fought too hard to earn her place, and damn it all, I did not want to see her lose it over something like this.


I wanted her back under my protection. I want good things for her, and to protect her from anything hurting her again. That is what I wanted.


That is what I had lost sight of when all of this started. Fonce had come to me to ask for that exact thing, and I had lost my way in giving it to her. Now it was time for me to step up, fulfill a promise to her that I had made in the beginning, and not to falter so badly this time.


He finally relented, and took me to see Seveya. She was at the wagons of Oren, and I had to get past Oren, in order to talk to Seveya..


Go figure