Take This Job and Shove-it!

As I write this, I am weary. Not only of body, but of heart, soul and mind. There are not enough ahn's in a day, days in a hand, or hands in a moon to handle all that comes to me sometimes. Much I give to Fonce, my second in command, for he is better at dealing with some things than I am. And he is the only one that I trust, to speak in my stead.


Ok, let's talk about that trust. I have let my second in command down. But more importantly, I let my friend down, and that bothers me more. He came to me to talk about what had transpired with the woman Seveya, to make a request of me, and damn it, I bungled it badly.


Go figure.


For some reason I got it into my head, that as Ubar, not as a friend to Fonce, or a guardian to Seveya, but as Ubar, I needed to hear all sides, so I had the man Karvek brought to me. Mistake, big mistake, probably. I listened to him, to what he said were his concerns, and in a moment of clouded vision, I saw some validity in them. First mistake.


Second mistake? I asked Fonce to join us so that we could get to the bottom of things. It is not always wise to bring two men together to discuss something this delicate. Especially when they have hugely differing opinions, and one of them is actually crazy as a marsh loon.


Go figure.


In some sort of mistaken idea that I needed to be fair, I lost sight of my objective. The objective was not to work things out between these two men, my objective was to take care of and protect a woman that was my ward. I think that is where the waters muddy a little for me. When Karvek returned to camp, and I found out that he was her uncle, I never got the opportunity to speak with him on this matter. In fact, each time I saw him, he either basically ignored me, or left. That should have raised some red flags, but it didn't.

Bottom line, and mistake number three. I said things that I should not have, and lost the trust of a man that I respect above all others in camp. Fonce was angry when he left, and Karvek? Well, it is hard to say what Karvek was. There is much about the man that suddenly did not ring true, and was my first clue to how badly I had handled this entire situation. And at the time all of this was going on, I still did not have all of the facts that I needed.


Go fuckin' figure.


What I found out later served to make me reassess what I thought of the man. The actions that he took, were far and beyond those of a family member, and bordered more along the lines of a jilted lover. And, no matter what the idiot thing, he did not act like a Tuchuk. When I found that he had been burning fires within the harigga, my anger knew no bounds. He put his own madness and jealousy ahead of the safety of his people, and had he not chosen to leave on his own, I am not real sure that he would not have been visited by those that I have at my disposal to take care of problems of this nature. A madman in camp, just what we needed..


The next day I was finally able to talk to Fonce again, and it was rocky, and I understand that. I had erred and I knew that, but it was not intentional and it took me a long time to get this across to the man. He was still angry with me, he didn't trust me, he didn't exactly understand where I was coming from, and that I knew that I had made huge mistakes.



I did the only thing that I know how to do. I finally put aside the Ubar, and tried to speak as a friend. I had to speak from my heart and acknowledge that I had made mistakes. I am not real sure even then, that he understood. But somehow, someway, I had to make him understand that this was not about him, me, or even Karvek.


This entire thing was about Seveya. Did I agree with what she had done. No way. However, I had seen a glimmer as to why she did what she did, after seeing her uncle's reactions, and the devastation his jealously and madness had imprinted upon my camp.


I told Fonce, that right now, she was the most important thing in all of this. I know that there will be people that will scream to the Sky herself over what I wanted to do, but I will deal with them in time. I wanted to instill the artisan back to her place at the Ubar's Fires. I wanted to give her that rare second chance, that some often do not get. I just could not see her on her knees before any man. She had fought too hard to earn her place, and damn it all, I did not want to see her lose it over something like this.


I wanted her back under my protection. I want good things for her, and to protect her from anything hurting her again. That is what I wanted.


That is what I had lost sight of when all of this started. Fonce had come to me to ask for that exact thing, and I had lost my way in giving it to her. Now it was time for me to step up, fulfill a promise to her that I had made in the beginning, and not to falter so badly this time.


He finally relented, and took me to see Seveya. She was at the wagons of Oren, and I had to get past Oren, in order to talk to Seveya..


Go figure