We are Tuchuk. And Our Strength Comes from That.

I had returned to help at the pyre wagons, stacking bodies. I hated it. To me, each burned body was a failure on my part. Maybe someday, I will get over that, but right now, I feel responsible for each and everyone of them.


I finally set down with my commanders, and we talked of what needed to be done. Part of me wanted to stay right here until every soul was put to rest, until every ounce of goods was salvaged, but I knew we could not do that. Already the ash was blowing into the stream, polluting our one source of clean water. There was no grass for the bosk, the game had all run off in face of the fire, and we could not stay. There were those that argued for sending the herd on ahead to the new grasses, leaving the wagons here. That was not an option. I had no intentions of splitting the tribe up like that. It just was not wise, nor was it feasible.


Over the next two days time, we would salvage what we could, have pyres for our dead, then we would move. I charged one of my commanders of an Orlu, to stay behind and salvage what they could. But only for one more hand. Only one hand, no more.


The meeting had just broke up when one of my men approached me with an outrider in tow. The man was part of Trilok's company, and when he said that, I felt my stomach knot up. I had him brought food and water, and bid him to sit and tell me his news. It was as I had thought.


They had been returning from their hunt and were caught on the other side of the fire, where they took a stand to fight it from there. One of them fell, thrown from his kaiila and Trilok rode into the conflagration to save his man, lifting him up to put him on his own beast, then slapping the flanks so that it would carry the man to safety beyond the fire line. He was trying to run back, where there was a flame up, and he perished in the blaze. He died sacrificing his own life and safety for another. A most honorable death.


For some reason, this hit me harder than some. He was a good man, a likeable man, and his death affected two women that I had a great deal of respect for. Noya, his mate, and Cana, his aunt. I do not even have the words, for how heavily this lay on my heart, when I went to seek these two out.


I found Noya at the stream with her children, and I think she knew the moment that I approached her, the news I had. There was no way to soften the blow, to make it less painful. There was nothing that I could do, but to draw her away from the others and tell her honestly how her man had died.


This woman is an elder, and no stranger to loss and the harshness of our life. But, everyone has that point where they break, even if it is just a little. I held her, and promised that she and her children would want for nothing, as long as I sat the grays. It was a promise that I committed myself to, and I think she knows that. Her eldest son, from her first mating, arrived and I stepped away to speak to him, to tell him what had happened. I do not know him well, but I cannot help but be proud of how he stepped in to comfort his mother and his younger siblings. A good man, an honorable young man.


There were those at the stream that tried to get me to stay but I didn't have the time. My duties were not over, I still has one more to tell, before I could even think about rest and food. As I approached the wagons that belong to the woman that was once mated to my brother, the woman that I still consider Ubara, my heart was heavy once more. How much more loss could she handle, where exactly was her breaking point? I think she knew too as soon as I stepped into the circle of light. I sat with her, told her what I knew in as few words as I could. The old warrior was there, and he pulled her into his arms to let her cry. I can't help but wonder how many times he has just, been there.


When she calmed, she asked if I had told Ephrim and Anya yet? Who the hell are Ephrim and Anya? When I realized she spoke of Trilok's parents, I know that I gave a heavy sigh. No, I had not told them. She offered to do it. I refused, it was my task. Finally we came to an agreement. I would tell them, but she would go with me to do it. Another long walk to be taken.


I was thankful for Cana. They knew, just like everyone else knows, but she took the woman aside, so that I could talk to the father, Ephrim, man to man. I told him of what I knew, he thanked me, then went to get his woman, to tell her what he now knew.


Other's began to arrive at the fire, and you could tell the ones that were Cana's brothers. They all share a certain look, a certain way of carrying themselves. I introduced myself to them, told them why I was there, and from the corner of my eye watched Cana with the other women, preparing food. I think they do that as a form of comfort to themselves. It is a woman thing, I guess. If you are upset you eat, or make sure others eat.


I tried to leave, but was drawn back, and told I needed to rest and share a meal with them. How can you refuse? There was Cana with a plate, and I began to eat, realizing how hungry I really was. They all began to talk about Trilok, how he was as a boy, things he had done. There was just this love and laughter thing with them, that made me want to watch, to see how they bonded as a family.


I got a lot of insight into Cana that night. I know her parents are both gone, but seeing the rest of her family, I can understand where she gets her strength, her empathy and her compassion. It is a family trait among these wagons she came from. And strength. It almost radiated from these people, and sitting there it hit me, that it is this strength and bonds among family units that will help us get through this horror, and to move on. It is this bond of family that keeps this tribe strong.


The night was an education for me, a lesson learned that I will not soon forget. And in a way, it gave me strength to get up and continue what I knew had to be down.


As I was leaving, the woman Anya came to me, wrapped her arms around me and spoke to me. She thanked me. Thanked me for taking my time to come tell them, and for not just sending word. She thanked me for being who I am and told me that I am a good man. Well damn! I was not ready for that. With all that I have had on my mind, it struck a cord in me somewhere deep inside and I had to leave. I had to leave quickly.


But as I walked away, I was overcome by this sense of awe and pride in the people that I call my tribe, at their strengths, and how they come together in times of trial like this. And with this knowledge, I was able to sleep that night. I was able to be a peace for a few ahn. My people would do fine, whether I was there for them or not, and that gave me a reassurance, and took some of the guilt.